If you’ve been following us for a while, you know how much we’ve already talked about symbolic ceremonies. What you don’t know is how much more we’re going to talk about them, hah.
One of the biggest strengths of a symbolic ceremony is definitely how much you can personalize it. Be careful, though, because this can just as easily turn into a double-edged sword.
A symbolic ceremony is a world that’s as broad as it is complex — and yet it’s the most crucial moment of your wedding, so it has to be perfect. That’s exactly why we dedicate so many articles on our AltroMagazine to it.
What does it actually mean to personalize a symbolic ceremony?
- You choose the music
- You choose the rite that seals your union
- You choose where to get married — the sea, the mountains, the middle of a forest
- You choose the readings, and who gets to read them
- And, finally, you choose who officiates your wedding
You read that right: a symbolic ceremony isn’t like a civil one, where a registrar or their delegate must be present by law. A symbolic wedding can genuinely be exactly what you want it to be. A friend, an aunt, a cousin: you’re the one who chooses your celebrant.
What does that actually mean for you?
That you no longer have to settle.
You no longer have to settle for a cold, impersonal ceremony, run by an official who doesn’t know you, knows nothing about you, and might even get your name wrong during the ceremony. I’m Selena, by the way — I know firsthand just how creative people can get with mangling a name. Over the years I’ve been called Serena (the classic), Selene, Selèn, and even SELENIA.
Now imagine that happening at your own wedding — someone getting your name wrong, maybe drawing a few laughs from the crowd and taking the solemnity right out of the moment.
A trusted friend certainly won’t make that mistake.
Is choosing a friend really the ideal solution for you?
As I mentioned, this is a genuinely complex world — you can’t improvise as a celebrant overnight, just as you can’t put together a flawless symbolic ceremony if you’ve never done it before.
So: if you’re wondering whether choosing a friend as your celebrant is really the best option for you, here are all the pros and cons of that decision.
A friend as celebrant: all the pros…
- They know you deeply — how you’re wired, what you love.
- They can make the ceremony more personal, weaving in shared memories and experiences that make the moment one of a kind.
- They’ll make the ceremony more emotional and more memorable, for both you and your partner.
- You’ll make them feel honored and proud to be asked.
…and all the cons.
- They’re not an expert — they don’t know the industry, and especially not the ins and outs of a symbolic ceremony.
- They may get emotional or start laughing, which can take the solemnity out of the moment.
- They don’t know the pacing a symbolic ceremony needs, which risks making it either too rushed or, on the other end, too long and dull.
- They lack the experience to write a truly credible text — which can drain your ceremony of its solemnity and, worse, make it look like a farce in your guests’ eyes.
- They don’t have an archive of readings, passages, and rituals to give you real options to choose from.
- Last but not least: they won’t be able to relax and actually enjoy the ceremony themselves.
Even just from that, it’s pretty clear which way the scale tips for me — what do you think?
The details you shouldn’t underestimate.
There are a few things in particular that could keep your ceremony from being perfect if you decide to hand it to a friend rather than an expert.
Here’s what to pay attention to:
- The ceremony text: writing something credible, moving, and personal isn’t simple if you don’t know where to start. Our couples get a genuine handbook to help them understand every stage of a symbolic ceremony and get a clear sense of how they want it to feel.
- The solemnity of the moment: a wedding ceremony is a solemn moment. It doesn’t matter whether you marry in a church, at the registry office, or with a symbolic ceremony — the solemnity can’t be missing. The risk otherwise is a ceremony with no credibility, hollow and simply not moving.
- The symbolic rite: beyond the ring exchange, it’s important to define a rite that seals the couple’s union. Did you know there are dozens of them to choose from? Did you know you can even design one entirely from scratch if you want?
- The rehearsal: pay attention here, because on this point I really don’t compromise. You can’t skip rehearsing with your celebrant, especially if they’re not experienced. It’s absolutely essential to work out the timing of the ceremony and nail down every detail together ahead of the big day. Everything at your wedding needs to be perfect, and nothing should be left to chance.
I know you’re wondering the same thing.
Not the registrar, because the ceremony feels too cold. And not a friend, because they don’t know what they’re doing. So what do I do? Who marries me, then?
You need guidance to help you design your symbolic ceremony. Did you know we offer this consulting service even to couples who aren’t working with us on the rest of their wedding planning?
Reach out through the form below to find out more.
